Right now I have to write this essay explaining why I left university and why my loans are not completely paid off by now, and I can honestly say this is by far the hardest thing I have ever done.. Writing on paper explaining everything that has happened in the past 3 years just makes me remember all of it all over again… like why can’t you just trust that I’m not some crazy lady trying to scam you and give me money so I can attend school in the fall to better my education so I can get a decent job making decent money and than actually be able to pay off this stupid fucking student loan.. FUCKKKKKKKKKKK I don’t want to go into detail about my depression about the fact I thought about killing myself about kat about my grampy all of it like fuck.. Honestly its not even just the fact that writing all of it in detail down on paper makes me want to bawl my face up and crawl into a ball and just stay there. Its the fact that looking back on it now all of it seems so minor I don’t mean Kat and my grandfather passing away that is not minor in any sense, but leaving school it just seems so irrelevant now.. Like why was I so depressed there to begin with nothing had really happened then. Thinking about it now that I’m 21 and not that 18 year old girl I think ‘fuck Avery that’s nothing compared to what you’ve gone through since then.’ Like shit yeah my boyfriend cheated on me and my friends hated me, so what ? I guess you really don’t realize how minor your problems are in high school you don’t notice it until you’re 21 and you have legitimate problems. I’m broke as fuck thanks to all my bills which honestly half of them aren’t paid because I have to pay for an apartment that is WAYYYY over priced for its location and then you have to worry about getting food to eat. Then you expect me to sit here and wright you an essay explaining all my STUPID fucking mistakes from my past. I honestly don’t even feel sorry for my 18 year old self. Now at 21 I may not have my shit completely together, but I’m happy. It’s weird isn’t it how as a teenager or someone in high school one thing happens and it could be as little as the person you like not liking you back and its the end of the world. I guess I never realized how sheltered people are in high school. I can promise you one thing, you might be having a hard time now getting through whatever it is that happened to you at school today, but once its all over and you’re an adult you will look back on yourself and laugh at how stupid and immature you were. Growing up may suck, but honestly the only shitty part of getting older is the fact that you won’t have a ton of money until you have finished school and started working a decent job, but you meet people and become friends with them and they become a HUGE part of your life which makes you completely forget your awful high school life and realize you’re happy even with barely anything you are happy to be who you are.